Emeril Lagasse. Rachel Ray. 食神, The God of Cookery. My mother. All these people differ from me in one specific way: they can prepare food. I can't. (Didn't see that coming, did you?) Cooking, baking, roasting, whatever. Even if I can remember which of those is which, I don't really know what to do with it. I'm a total n00b when it comes to food preparation. Pancakes? I've fucked 'em up. Those really easy-to-make Nestle cookies in a tube? I've fucked 'em up.

Needless to say, I don't make much of my own food. A grilled cheese sandwich on a George Foreman grill is about the extent of my kitchen prowess. To add a sheer laziness quotient, I've traditionally used that very shitty processed cheese instead of real cheddar cheese.

So, I'm at Albertsons the other week, and I figure "what the hell?" and buy some some actual cheese. Though I now have to take another minute to slice the cheese myself, the sandwiches are immeasurably tastier. Like, immeasurably better. I always wondered why everyone else's cheese sandwiches were better. Now I know: they actually use cheese.

This delicious new development, naturally, comes with a hitch: I can't keep the cheese at the end of the brick from going bad in the fridge. You know how cheese do. Tin foil on the end doesn't seem to work so well. So if anyone has any suggestions for a way to keep cheese good, feel free to pass it along.